oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
