If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
