ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
