guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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