This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
