Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
