Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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