Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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