im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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