watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
