so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
