We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
