you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
