I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
