I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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