I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
