Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My vagina just recognized that song.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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