What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
