Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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