The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Vodka?
Forever.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
