I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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