I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just pee around me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
