so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
