Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
