Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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