if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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