Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
