Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
