Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
