i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
