Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
