I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
