yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
