i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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