If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
