She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
