His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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