It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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