i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
