I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize