I'm eating all of the evidence.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
