i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
