My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
