Where is the hickey?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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