Kiss
Puke
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
