I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
