either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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