Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
