so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
