That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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