You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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