My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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