He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
