is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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