I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
