Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
