this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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